Staying for a Bit

UGH. Rough morninggggg. If you couldn't tell by my last post, I had more than a little to drink last night. The hang over is worth it though. I had a great time. The other volunteers at the center are amazing. I have made some life long friends here. Also, they asked me to stay and be a long term volunteer! I have to think about it a little bit more but I could definitely see myself staying here. The long term volunteers have a lot more responsibility and are project heads. I think I am going to call my mom later today and talk to her about it. I'm sure she'll freak out and demand that I come home. We'll see. She wasn't too excited when she found out I was going on this trip but she was surprisingly supportive. I'll keep you posted!

I am getting lunch with my friend Robby today. He is from California and is on a similar path as me. He left home about a month ago and is traveling in the opposite direction. We have really hit it off and he is also deciding if he wants to spend the summer in New Orleans. I'm looking forward to talking to him about it.

I may or may not post. I have a big day on site tomorrow. If I have time you'll hear from me!

-L

NEW ORLEANS JAZZ FEST!

I just got back from spending the day at New Orleans Jazz Fest! It was so much fun!!! We came home to get some rest and take a little bit of a break from the action but we are planning to head down to Bourbon Street soon! I am having an amazing time. I think that I would like to move down here someday. The people are so friendly and there is so much to do. The live music has been amazing. I have always been drawn to live music but I think I've officially fallen in love with it! Almost every night I have gone to a different show. There are even jazz bands playing on the side of the street! The culture is awesome. The food is delicious. I love it!

I am so excited! Can't wait to keep partyingggg.

YAY

-L

So Many Adventures!

My flat tired situation worked out alright even though it took AAA 3 hours to come! I guess it was nice to have a break. The Outer Banks was absolutely amazing! I worked on my rusty surfing skills and by the third day I wasn't too bad! The weather is already so much warmer down south. It was so sunny and beautiful the whole time I was in the Outer Banks. I was way way too busy hanging out on the beach to keep up with my blog! I'm sorry! I'm having such a great time and an amazing series of adventures but I don't know if I am going to be able to keep up with the blog. I finally feel as if I have made the perfect decision in my life. I have gotten back in touch with old friends and made so many new friends along the way. It was so hard to leave the Outer Banks but I was so excited to get on the road. Right now, I am in New Orleans! I drove down the coast and stopped to visit my cousin in Harrisonburg, VA. for a few days. I LOVE New Orleans so far. I am staying at a volunteer center and I have been working with them to complete a few projects around the city. They are still working on fixing up some of the houses that were destroyed by Hurricane Katrina.

If I have time in my travels I will update but if not, I'm sorry! I am going to keep going on my adventure until my funds run out!

Thanks for following!

-L

Emergencyyyy

I just got a fucking flat tireeeee. I'm so annoyed. Right now I am still about 3 hours from Jason's house in the Outerbanks. I was just driving along and hit a HUGE pothole. Thank God I have AAA. I was able to pull off the exit and into a rest stop with WiFi. I'm pretty lucky actually so I can surf the internet and vent on here! I'm calming my frustration with a huge cup of gas station coffee and a vending machine candy bar. AAA says they will be here in under an hour. We'll see. UGH!

Looks Can Be Deceiving!

So, Jess and James are quite the pair and have made D.C. a veryyy interesting experience. I got into the city around 5 on Friday night and decided to have dinner by myself and walk around a little bit. I am not a particularly shy person but I wanted to have some prep time before I had to introduce myself to the 2 total strangers I would be staying with for a few nights. I stopped at a little restaurant that boasted that it had the best crab pretzel in the city. I'd never tried a crab pretzel so I figured it was worth a shot. I actually really liked it! It is always kind of awkward to go out to dinner alone. Thankfully, I brought my book and got some reading in. Little did I know then that I wouldn't have a chance to read again for the rest of the weekend.

After dinner, I walked around and looked in some store windows. The weather was really nice so I enjoyed some time to explore. I arrived at Jess and James' around 8 and they were already WASTED! I expected a totally different type of welcoming. They greeted me in the doorway and led me into the kitchen where they already had a shot poured for me! I wasn't about to offend my host and hostess so I went along with it. I thought, this is turning into a drinking vacation...don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good party but I had literally just recovered from my NYC shenanigans. Meanwhile, more and more of their friends arrived and they ended up having a huge party at their TINY apartment. I just kept drinking and drinking so I wouldn't feel awkward....BAD coping mechanism, I know. Late at night, well really early in the morning, people began to leave and I found myself sitting between Jess and James on the couch with 2 of their other friends sitting across from us. I couldn't help but feel like both of them were hitting on me. I chalked it up to the alcohol at first but after a while, it became quite clear that the leg grazes were not accidental. Feeling awkward, I got up to use the bathroom and when I came back Jess was making out with the OTHER guy that was not James! She motioned for me to join and it immediately clicked...they were SWINGERS! All four of these polo and seersucker clad prepsters were about to have a foursome and wanted me include--fivesome I guess... Very intoxicated and overwhelmed, I declined as politely as possible. Although, I'm 100 percent sure my shock was visible. They understood and the four of them ventured into the bedroom. Thankfully, I had brought my Ipod. I took one more shot for good measure and turned my music up as loud as possible and squeezed my eyes shut till I fell asleep.

Needless to say, I left early in the morning and spent last night at the Holiday Inn. I'm a little bit bummed because I handled the situation awkwardly (I mean how else would I have handled it!) and I didn't want to call either of them to show me around the next day. So, D.C. has been a bit lonely. I had a solo picnic on the water and went on a few tours of various historical sites. I enjoyed the city a lot. There are so many beautiful parks and stunning flowers and trees. I'll have to come back with friends next time.

I'm off to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. I'm really excited! I know it is still early in the season but my childhood friend Jason lives there now and he promised me a surf lesson! I'll be in the Corolla area for 3 days. I hope the weather is nice. It isn't beach season yet but I'm not too bad on a surf board. When we were kids, Jason used to take me out surfing with him and his brother in Connecticut. I haven't seen him few 2 years but I made sure to visit his family when I was in CT. He is the kind of friend that you can talk to once every few months and its like you never left each other. We spent every summer together from the time we were born until we were about 22.

Post soon--

-L

On to D.C.

New York City has been amazing. I'm thinking of maybe moving here when I'm done traveling. My friend Sarah showed me an awesome time! On Wednesday night we went out with a lot of her friends and our friend Mike from college who also lives in the city. It was a little bit overwhelming though. It seemed like we went to a million bars and I got a little bit too drunk! I was planning on leaving NYC yesterday but I couldn't think of driving all the way to D.C. with my head pounding that bad. We started off drinking at Sarah's apartment with some of her friends. I haven't taken shots since college but we decided to whip out the bottle of vodka for old times sake! After about 4 shots things started to get a little bit wild! Sarah's guy friends that live on the floor below her came over to hang out with us. They were hilarious. She had this one friend Marc that was so cute and very funny. I was immediately attracted to him. They brought over some beer so before I knew it we were all pretty wasted and having a rowdy time. At about 11 pm we left to head to a bar close to the apartment building. It was more like a pub if you ask me. We ordered a round of wings and continued drinking. My memory is a little blurry from this point on but I remember little parts. We stumbled as a group outside the bar and hailed a cab. The cab driver was a flamboyant man from the Dominican Republic. I told him about my plans to travel around the U.S. and he recommended that I go visit his family in the DR. I lied and told him that I spoke Spanish. OOPS! My lies still come out when I'm drunk. I took a few Spanish classes in college but I'm veryyy rusty. As soon as I told the man I spoke Spanish I knew I'd be subject to having a conversation. Ugh. It was terrible. After a few failed attempts to speak Spanish I laughed and admitted to the whole cab and the drive that I'd lied and I only spoke the few words I'd learned in college. It was surprisingly easy to admit and everyone got a good laugh about it. By the time we got to the next bar things were heating up between Marc and I. He kept putting his arm around me. At the bar he bought me a drink and asked me to dance. We made our way onto the dance floor and had a great time! Soon all of Sarah's friends joined us on the dance floor and Mike and Sarah started dancing together! As far as I knew, they had been just friends! Apparently not, I remember them kissing and he ended up going home with her later that night. I didn't know until the morning because I went back to Marc's house! I barely remember it but we had sex! It was awesome even if it was pretty clumsy.  Even though I'll probably never see him again it was really fun to hang out with an awesome guy. The morning was a little bit awkward. I haven't had a one night stand since college and I didn't know what to do. Thankfully, Sarah only lived one floor up so I mumbled something about how she must be wondering where I am and ran out.

Anyway, we sat around laughing about our drunken night and eating pizza and ice cream. It was like we were back in college again. It was great. I spent one last night on the couch in Sarah's apartment and left early this morning. Right now I am in a coffee shop along the highway. I was still tired from my time in New York so I decided to take a little break. I'm on my way to D.C. now. I don't know anyone to stay with in D.C. but I joined this couch surfer network on the internet before I left and I am sleeping at one of the other members apartments right in the city. I'm a little bit nervous. Her name is Jess and she lives with her boyfriend James. They look a little bit up tight from their pictures. Like matching polo shirts and seersucker pants. They joined the couch surfing network because they have an extra room and say they like to network. We'll see how it goes. They seem really nice so far!

I'll keep you posted!

-L

CRAZY Week!

I've been on the road for 3 days and it has been AMAZING! Right now, I am in New York City. I haven't gotten too far yet seeing as Boston is only about 4 hours away! But I love this city! Also, it took me a few days to get here because I stopped to visit some family in Mystic, CT.

I guess I need to backtrack and explain why I left a few days later than planned. So, as I was packing up to leave on Thursday night, my friend from work called and told me that she couldn't sublet my apartment anymore! I was so mad. Finally, I had this amazing opportunity and she all of a sudden was preventing me from doing it! Needless to say, I was not very friendly when she told me. After I hung up the phone I was really upset but I knew that I needed to go on this trip no matter what. I spent the next few days in constant contact with my landlord and on the phone with friends. Finally, my friend that was originally going to sublet called me back and said that she changed her mind yet AGAIN! I said okay and told her this was her last chance to back out but she didn't! I left the next day, Sunday. Close call...

I hoped on the road and headed down to coastal Connecticut to visit my family. I grew up going there in the summers and I was really looking forward to returning. When I pulled into the town I was flooded with memories. I can't believe how many years it took me to return here. Even though it isn't summer yet, I pulled over and took a walk along the beach. I arrived at my Grandparents house in the late afternoon. They were thrilled to see me! I spent Sunday night to Tuesday morning visiting all of my favorite spots like the Mystic Aquarium, the Mystic Seaport, and the Mystic Drawbridge. It was hard to leave but I was excited to get to New York City.

I arrived in New York City late last night. I have a good friend from college that lives in the city, Sarah. I haven't seen her since college so it was so exciting to be reunited! Since I got in so late last night we couldn't go explore the city but we will tonight! I can't wait.

I have to go. We are going for a walk around the city.

--L

To plan or not to plan?

Since I was a little kid, my life has been pretty much planned out for me and look how that has turned out. I've done exactly what I was supposed to do until these past few months. I need to experience something real. I feel like I can't find what I'm looking for but I do not even know what it is I'm looking for. I hope that my journey will help me find what I'm looking for. My dilemma as of right now is how I will go about taking this trip. I have a 2008 Subaru Outback that used to be my mothers. I bought it last summer with only 50,000 miles on it so it should work just fine. I decided to go alone. Some soul searching is in order. So, that's about all I have planned. I told the Coffee Shop my plan and they were surprisingly accepting of it. The manager gave me some names and numbers of friends he knew in different places across the US. He said that he'd always wanted to take a trip across the country but never found the time. I'm making the time now. I don't want to be sitting around someday thinking about the trip I wish I took. I'm taking it. Also, I'm telling the truth the whole time. I've lived a series of lies for so long. Maybe it's because I was bored with who I really am. I'm embracing who I am. It's time to put this way of thinking to the test. I must seem so sporadic and almost frantic to whoever may be reading this but that's probably because it's how I really feel.
I plan to leave my apartment on Friday morning. That gives me 4 days to find someone to sublet and pack. My friend from work is taking my cat. Sadly, he hates cars and wouldn't make a great travel companion.
Wish me luck!

-L

Off the Grid...

I've been struggling with posting on my blog. I guess I kind of freaked out about 2 weeks ago. After a whole day of dumping my brain into the computer, I slammed my computer shut and threw it out the window. I immediately regretted it. I couldn't control my frustration with my novel, my mother, my love life, and my life in general for that matter. I had been wasting days cooped up in my apartment just typing and typing and typing. My fingers went numb and my eventually my brain went dead. I'm starting to realize that being a novelist is a lot more than I bargained for. I had so many ideas floating around in my head that I couldn't wait to get on paper but I am sick of it. Who am I to write this novel? Who was I to think that someone would actually want to read it?
Well, to get to the point... I haven't touched my computer in 2 weeks. That means my blog went away with the computer. Unfortunately my writing freeze dragged blogging with it. I actually enjoy blogging when I am in the mood but I was in no mood at all for a while.
For the past 2 weeks I have tried to sit down and figure everything out once and for all. I can't escape this limbo I've been trapped in for years now. I have had such a hard time getting on my feet. These 2 weeks have helped me sort some things out. I've decided that all I want to do is be happy. I spent two weeks figuring out what makes me happy. I've been spending time with friends and getting to know people. I am so happy when I am with new friends. I've been so open about my real life with all of the people I have met recently. I've enjoyed sharing my life to near strangers and they have become friends. I have traveled around the city and I have taken a trip out to Cape Cod. I have explored all that I can in the Boston area. I've concluded that I am going to take all the money I have saved and I am going to travel. It seems like another drastic decision but I am going to do it. I have about $15,000 saved from my last job, graduation, and the coffee shop. I have been doing a lot of research and I think I have more than enough to take a US tour. I'm going alone. I was going to bring Danny but he couldn't quit his job. No one really understands my ability to drop everything and start over. I've done it a few times in my life and it hasn't satisfied me. I hope this will do the trick. If not, I hope to meet some interesting characters and see some awesome places along the way! For now, the novel is on the sidelines.

I'll keep you posted!

-L

3 Chapters Done!

I've been working so hard on making some progress in my novel! I finally have 3 chapters done and I am really happy about how it is playing out so far! I need to find someone to proof read it for me. I was planning on asking Danny but I don't want to seem too clingy. We have been hanging out a lot and it seems to be going really well. However, I can't shake the memory of how things played out with my last boyfriend in college. Andrew and I were together for a little over a year. He was the only one who has ever known about my lying. It worked fine for a while but I think it really bothered him. I'm afraid to make any kind of commitment to Danny. It sucks because I can already feel myself pulling away. On Friday night, I invited him out with my friends and I. He walked me home after and one thing led to another. Before I knew it, we were in my room. I was a little bit drunk and didn't hold back at all. He ended up spending the night but I was so awkward in the morning. We had coffee together before he left and I couldn't wait for him to get out of here. UGH I wish I could just be normal about this whole thing but I get too nervous. I haven't talked to him since yesterday morning. I don't know if I should call him or not. Maybe I'll send him a text about reading my first 3 chapters and pretend we never hooked up.

Wish me luck,
-L

Mom's gone, Danny's back!

My last post was rather frantic. I needed to have a serious talk with my mother. It's hard to handle her but I know she has my best interest at heart. She has always pushed me and at times it has felt like she wants to live my life for me. Last week, we finally put it all out on the table. I told her that she needed to let me make my own choices. I mean my god I'm already 27 years old! After a few hours of tears and hugs, she agreed to take a step back. She left the next morning and I've talked to her a few times since. I know she loves me and I could see that I was breaking her heart. I resent her for telling me how to live my life and she has always made me feel like I wasn't good enough. For the first time in my life, I feel good enough just being myself. I can't let her ruin that...again. I have new friends and a new job and a new goal to write my novel. I haven't been lying anymore at all and I've rekindled my love for writing. Despite my guilt from having hurt my mother, I think it is for the best. 

On another note, my novel is going really well. Writing it is turning out to be quite the interesting experience. I guess I never realized how long it was going to take. I keep writing and rewriting and then just deleting pages all together. I know it's a process and I am trying not to rush it. It will all come together if I work hard at it!

Also, the other day, guess who came into the coffee shop when I was working?...Danny!! It was really great to see him. We kind of fell out of touch for some reason. I forgot how much fun he was to be with. He stayed and chatted with my co-workers and I until we closed and then he walked me home! I told him all about my novel and he offered to read it and help me edit it! I'm nervous to show him my work but it could be helpful to get some feedback.

I'm going out to dinner with some friends tonight and then seeing a concert at a bar downtown. Should be a good time!

-L

She Means Well...

I'm feeling really terrible today. I totally blew up at my mother today and stormed out of my apartment. I'm currently hiding out at the coffee shop where I work to cool off. I told her that I'll be home when I'm ready to talk to her. I'm dreading it. I hate confrontation. I just keep it in for way to long and then it all comes rushing out in a ruthless wave of emotion. I didn't handle it well. She has been nagging me all week about money and my lack of a boyfriend. I am doing my best but she just doesn't see it. Basically, I told her all of this. She looked hurt so I ran out. I feel like a little kid right now that has run away from home in a dramatic display. We both know I'll come home and we will have a serious "talk". I don't want to ughhh. I hate serious talks. I wish she would just go home and let me live my life!

Sorry for venting! Wish me luck!

-L

A Visit from Mom

I love when my mother comes into town but it's never just to visit and catch up! She always has some master plan. She is the master manipulator...of EVERYONE. The worst part is, no one can see it. Not even my own father! Either that, or he just ignores it.

Since I started seriously working on my novel, my mother has called me every single day just to, "say hello!" Before last month, she would probably call me once every two weeks to make sure I still enjoyed my desk job. I'm sure quitting my job was the LAST thing she wanted to hear.
I understand a mothers concern but I wish she would just let me do my own thing.

Anyway, she surprised me with a visit on Monday afternoon and is still here...
I keep hearing about Martha's daughter Amanda who just got accepted to law school and Audrey's niece who got promoted...and blah, blah, blah...Nancy's grandson, cousin Jess, etc. It's like she wants to tell me how successful every single other person my age is while I am just at a total standstill. Every time I try to talk about my novel, she rolls her eyes and changes the topic or says something like, "oh yeah, yeah...sounds nice."

I guess her visit isn't all bad though. We had a nice lunch at an outdoor cafe the other afternoon and she took me shopping on Newbury St. Not to mention, the weather has been beautiful in Boston! Last night, I brought her to a small bar and introduced her to a few of my friends from work. That was kind of fun. She had a few drinks and that loosened her up a bit. I think she needed that extra glass of wine to cope with the fact that Brian has his nose pierced and Molly has a tattoo of a footprint on her wrist. As I made her pancakes this morning in my tiny apartment she said, "Gee, I just don't understand why such attractive young people would litter themselves with tattoos and piercings like that."

Needless to say, I haven't gotten any writing done this week. Another wash of a week. Maybe she'll come around. If she doesn't I really hope I prove her wrong and actually finish this project.

She says that she is leaving tomorrow. We'll see if that happens. Next thing I know, she will be moving into the apartment next door.

-L

I forgot how fun it was to go out with friends and just have a good time! I'm only 27 but after college, reality set in too quickly. I found myself trapped behind a desk day in and day out. After long days at the office, I rushed home to put on a pair of comfy pajamas and curl up with my cat on the couch. I got stuck. I've been going back and forth with my feelings about quitting my job but after this weekend, I know I made the right choice. For the first time in a long time I can honestly say that I am happy! Not just happy in the sense that I'm content. I'm not sure where this optimism is coming from but I'm going with it. Also, hanging out with my new friends has been the perfect release to counterbalance the stress of writing my novel. I was able to get a lot of work done on it this weekend!
So far, the plot is as follows---
Eighteen year old Jayda decides not to go to college immediately after high school much to her controlling, image conscious parents dismay. Although, throughout high school she was not explicitly rebellious, she constantly elided her parents demands. Upon graduation, Jayda leaves her parents home and sets out to experience the world that she feels her parents have sheltered her from.

Thoughts?
--L

So this novel is a lot harder then I thought. I have done weeks on research to establish characters but every time I sit down to put it into a story, my brain just shuts off. It just seems like such a monumental task. Despite the hours I have put into it, I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere in terms of character development or cohesive narrative content. It's frustrating. Maybe my mom was right. UGH...it seems too late to give up now. I have never been a quitter. I think I'm going to put it on the back burner for a while.
On a more positive note, I got a job as a barista at a coffee shop down the street. It is actually a lot of fun. However, it is a SERIOUS pay cut from my desk job that I quit last month. I like to think of it as temporary though. It gets a little exhausting to wait on customers hand and foot. I have a $40,000 a year education and I would like to put it to use. I was getting paid fairly well at my other job but it wasn't for me. I need space to be creative. Unfortunately, creative isn't a career. Heck, it's not even a job. I'm at a serious transition phase and I don't see an end in sight.
Sadly, I stopped talking to Danny as much. Things kind of fizzled out after I told him that I wanted to be a novelist. We met for dinner once last week and coffee a few times this week, but he is so career driven that he can't understand some of my decisions. He works as an investment banker. Sounds totally boring to me. I guess we just think differently. It was really refreshing to have an honest relationship with someone. Although, I think we are better off as friends.
Speaking of friends, I've started hanging out with a couple people from the coffee shop. They know a lot more people in the area and have started bringing me out to the bars. Andrea and Brian are about my age and both graduated from Emerson 2 years ago. They have been friends for a while and I have a funny feeling that Brian is in love with Andrea. As far as I can tell, she has no idea. Sort of cute! I feel bad for Brian though, Andrea has a tendency to drag him around with her and says he is her BFF. The term BFF makes me sick for some reason. It sounds so lame, I don't know how he puts up with it. Anyway, I am going out to a new bar with them tonight to meet up with some people. I'm a little nervous but I have been doing a lot better at telling the truth to people, especially strangers.

Got to get ready--

-L

Longgg Day

Wow, I just wrapped up working on my book for the night. I'm exhausted. I know I promised a summary but I'm too tired to type anymore. My fingers feel like they are going to fall off. Ahhh.

Goodnight. Summary tomorrow.

-L

Reaching a Turning Point

It's been a whole week since I've posted last and not too much has happened.

On Tuesday I finally texted Danny back. I think that he thinks I'm just playing hard to get (not necessarily a bad thing!). Anyway, we went and got coffee when he got out of work that day and I finally came clean about where I actually live! It felt really great to tell the truth but it sounded so ridiculous. I felt so stupid. He just laughed and was like, "Don't worry about it!" I'd like to think that he is just a nice guy but, I'm skeptical about why he seems like me so much. Conversation was definitely easier this time and I didn't feel compelled to fill in the blank space with lies. We have been texting since our coffee date and we have plans to get dinner tonight. Are we dating?

As far as my novel is concerned…I've been working really hard and it's starting to come together. However, I called my mom to tell her about it yesterday and she flipped out. She kept saying, "how do you plan on paying your rent?!" and "do you even know how to write a novel?!?" Now, I'm getting a little bit nervous that I might have made a bad decision. On the other hand, the challenge is kind of exciting. She does have a good point about paying my rent though. I wasn't saving too too much money before I quit my job. I think I need to start looking for a part time job at least. New mission for this week I guess.

On the bright side, my characters are coming together nicely! Right now I need to get working on it but I'll post a summary later if anyone is interested!

ps. Didn't mention Danny to my mom. She doesn't like hearing about me talking to guys after Andrew...

-L

Not Exaclty a Failure...

My date with Danny was alright. I may have screwed myself over because I couldn't resist making up a few lies throughout the evening. Sometimes, I feel like my mouth has a mind of its own (especially when I'm nervous). I'll be repeating in my head...tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth...but when I open my mouth the lies just escape. I thought I was ready to open up to someone and try my hand at an honest relationship, or a friendship at least. I guess I need to work on this a little bit more. Danny hasn't called me back but he sent me a text this morning saying, "I had a good time the other night, we should check out that coffee shop you were raving about". Most would see this as a positive sign but, I have no idea what fucking coffee shop I was referring to. Ugh, I was just filling in the blanks after we ordered our meals. I thought...shit, he isn't saying anything. I need to start some kind of conversation. I guess I'll just have to try out a few coffee shops this week and pick a good one. Not too difficult to cover up this lie. Also, after the date he tried to walk me home since I told him I live on the Red Line.  Luckily, I'm pretty good at thinking on my feet so I told him that my roommate was picking me up...only problem is, I don't have a roommate. Unless my cat is going to steal a car and drive on over and pick me up. We'll see how this plays out. Honestly, it was nice to meet someone new. He was a really nice guy and took me to a really cute little Italian restaurant. Hopefully I can gracefully cover up my little white lies.
I haven't texted him back yet, maybe later. I want to find a coffee shop first. Maybe I'll have to find a roommate too. Shit.

--L

A Date!

There are so many characters out there! I have been people watching in different spots all week. Only problem is, I have created so many characters to use for my novel that I don't know how to fit them together in some sort of cohesive narrative!
Also, I have been telling the truth a lot more! Seeing so many strange people has given me a new sense of reality. Everyone has some sort of background that has made them the way they are. This process of character creation has helped me far beyond any session in a therapist office.
Things have been going so well that I met even met a guy! On Monday afternoon I decided to ride the Red Line around and observe the passengers. My story needs a young male character to be the bird lady's estranged son. I thought that I'd find inspiration on the commuter rail but instead, I found a date! Around 2 pm, the train stopped at South Station and an attractive guy about my age bustled into my car. He was wearing dark wash jeans and a blue and grey striped button down shirt. As he walked toward me, I could feel my cheeks growing redder and redder. I've always been so shy. I looked at the ground trying not to let him see my blushed cheeks when all of a sudden he sat down beside me! I took a deep breath in through my nose and out through my mouth then decided to suck it up and introduce myself. As soon as I told him my name (I usually feel the need to make up a ridiculous name...), I could feel my whole body relax and a smiled crept across my face. He returned my greeting and told me his name was Danny. Long story short...we talked all the way until he got off at his stop about 15 minutes later and made plans to get dinner on Thursday night! There is only one slight problem...I told him that I lived in Harvard to explain why I was on the Red Line. I'll figure that out later...
I'll post later with updates on my date and my novel! I can't even remember the last time I went on a real date!


-L

I haven't posted in a few days because I have been so busy exploring the city. It's so funny how you can live in a city for years and still be finding new and exciting things!
On Tuesday, I left the house around 11 am and started walking. I tried to follow my instincts just to see where it would take me. First, I took a left and then turned right. I wanted to get lost and then find myself back at my apartment again. Sure enough, I did! Every time I thought I was lost for good and started to get nervous, I'd turn a corner and find myself somewhere that looked familiar. I found myself window shopping on Newbury St, wandering through the Public Gardens, and strolling through Faneuil Hall. I ended up back at my apartment around 4 pm...exhausted.

As I wandered around the city, I saw so many different types of people. Maybe everyone is just playing a character. I know that I lie and take on personas that aren't myself but, from what I have observed recently...so does everyone else. It has made me see my problem in a new light. I have recently decided to try my hand at fiction writing. I was so inspired by my walk through the city the other day that I am beginning to see everything in a new light. Instead of feeling the social pressure to act a certain way or take on a character, I am reading other people as playing characters themselves. I don't have a solid plot for my novel yet but I have an idea. I guess all it takes is an idea and then things can spiral on from there.

My idea is to write a story about different people interacting in the city. Some of the characters will be based on people I see and situations I witness but, of course I'll have to fill in. I am going to have to do a LOT of people watching! I think I already have a first character beginning to develop. It is based on an older lady that I saw sitting on a bench in the Boston Commons. She was talking to the pidgeons as they nibbled at bread she had strew about by her feet. She wore an all black velour jump suit, too tight and stretched over her bulging curves. A bright purple scarf was twisted and wrap around her shoulders and head but, I could see frizzy grey curls jutting out beneath the scarf. She didn't look particularly crazy but the way she kept muttering about birds (most specifically vultures and pidgeons) made me nervous. I wanted to know more about her but now I can use my story to fill in the blanks! I think that she is a paranoid bird lady that lives in a reality in which large birds are out to get her. She wants to protect the smaller birds but she has an impending feeling that she won't be able to. She goes to the Commons every day to make sure that vultures don't swoop down and attack. I'm not sure what will happen to this lady or why she has created this reality for herself yet...but I'll let you know.

Update soon!
-L

Ps...there are a lot more crazy people out there then I initially thought!

Quit my job today. I don't know how to feel about it. It was rather impulsive, I'll admit it.
I wanted to start fresh. I'll rephrase--I needed to start fresh.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realized that I needed to make a change. I was getting far too comfortable in the never-ending cycle. I've never been one for commitments but somehow I'd dug myself in deep with a full-time desk job. For two painfully average years, I sat on my ass in an office full of humdrum people just chugging along through their uneventful days.
Recently, I've been fantasizing about what it would be like to pack up and just move somewhere else and get a fresh start. Now I can do it! I'm excited but I'm also terrified. I feel like I'm a bird that has just been set free. I've never felt like this before.
Tomorrow, I am exploring. I'm just going to wake up and walk out of my apartment to see where the day takes me. I'll let you know how it goes.
p.s...match.com account set up. No responses yet. I'm procrastinating on the 'add picture' part so I have a feeling that is turning some off. At least I hope that's the only thing.

Online Dating?

I’ve been having a lot of trouble keeping up with this blog. Every time I sit down to write my mind wanders and I find myself taking a more ‘creative’ approach. My train ride to work suddenly has a kink in it that didn’t actually happen…so I have deleted every post as soon as I write it.

Unproductive.

Instead of recapping my day, I’ll tell you a little more about myself. If I start to define my self to other people, I’m hoping I will be able to tame my tendency to elaborate simple day-to-day stories of my life.

I went to Northeastern University and got a degree in Journalism. However, upon graduating the only job I could get was a receptionist job for a local news bulletin. So far from my dream job. Maybe creative writing would have been a better path…HAH. Guess it’s not too late for that. I seem to have found a knack for it with my elaborated story telling on this blog…perhaps next time I’ll post that instead. Eh, maybe not…might defeat the purpose.

Anyway, I want to become a writer (rethinking the journalist path…) but what I really want is someone to share my life with. Other than Walter, of course. I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months about 2 weeks ago. I’m not surprised really…he was boring anyway. I think I need a man that lies just as much as I do. We would be quite the pair.

I think I’ll make a match.com account. Do people actually do that? I need to start looking into that. Could be fun.

--L (I like to go by Lill)

Welcome to My (Real) Life...

The incentive to create characters and fabricate experiences is unavoidable. I’m not the only one that participates in this phenomenon. How many times have you exaggerated a story…maybe for theatrical purposes or because you can sense that the person you are speaking to is losing interest. Their mind is abandoning your undoubtedly, intriguing story of your adventures walking down the street when you… (insert event, crisis, etc. here…).

No one is listening.

The offense has already been committed… It happened the minute they began to compile a grocery list.

They are mentally crossing off items on their ‘to do’ list or thinking of what they will wear to work the next day. I’m sure they are resisting the urge to just pull the trigger and check their Ipone… for fear of offending (but it's too late). Maybe they ARE checking their phone…that’s the worst. That’s most people’s cue to shut up or change the topic. It’s my opportunity to insert my creativity and take on a character or characteristic of my choosing. There are millions upon millions to choose from. Who could resist that temptation! I could be a sophisticated socialite with an underground all-female drug ring.  I could be the criminal daughter of an Italian-American mobster instrumental hiding among the crowds of the balmy Boston Gardens in the springtime. 

Not sure why I feel the need to be a criminal today…

For all intensive purposes, I’ll tell you the truth about who I really am. But, not yet. I haven’t even begun to figure that out. It’s way more fun to play a role in the theater of reality.

My therapist suggested I keep this blog as a running narrative to ‘get in touch with my true self’. Someone define their ‘true self’…anyone? Anyone? Some may agree with me... that it is utterly impossible. To me, a self is changing. That the truth is too static and fragmented to pin down. Some people have an easier time accepting this than I do. I guess to my therapist, my ‘self’ is the person I am in the suffocating microcosm of my dingy south Boston apartment, in which my only true companion is my fat old cat, Walter. Even he doesn’t know that I have a serious addiction to Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. I have become accustom to locking him in the living room and eating the entire pint in the privacy of my overcrowded box that some may call, a bedroom. I guess it doesn’t make too much sense but sometimes I can feel my cats green eyes judging me as he purrs and watches me drown myself in ice cream. Just like Andrew used to do. Well Andrew didn’t purr but he rolled his eyes…regardless, that firery feeling it ignites in me is the same. The subtle flush that I feel creep over my cheeks is the same.

There you go. A little bit of truth. Savor it. It’s the best I have to offer for the time being. Now, you can officially say that you know me better then my best friend, Walter.

--L