3 Chapters Done!

I've been working so hard on making some progress in my novel! I finally have 3 chapters done and I am really happy about how it is playing out so far! I need to find someone to proof read it for me. I was planning on asking Danny but I don't want to seem too clingy. We have been hanging out a lot and it seems to be going really well. However, I can't shake the memory of how things played out with my last boyfriend in college. Andrew and I were together for a little over a year. He was the only one who has ever known about my lying. It worked fine for a while but I think it really bothered him. I'm afraid to make any kind of commitment to Danny. It sucks because I can already feel myself pulling away. On Friday night, I invited him out with my friends and I. He walked me home after and one thing led to another. Before I knew it, we were in my room. I was a little bit drunk and didn't hold back at all. He ended up spending the night but I was so awkward in the morning. We had coffee together before he left and I couldn't wait for him to get out of here. UGH I wish I could just be normal about this whole thing but I get too nervous. I haven't talked to him since yesterday morning. I don't know if I should call him or not. Maybe I'll send him a text about reading my first 3 chapters and pretend we never hooked up.

Wish me luck,
-L

Mom's gone, Danny's back!

My last post was rather frantic. I needed to have a serious talk with my mother. It's hard to handle her but I know she has my best interest at heart. She has always pushed me and at times it has felt like she wants to live my life for me. Last week, we finally put it all out on the table. I told her that she needed to let me make my own choices. I mean my god I'm already 27 years old! After a few hours of tears and hugs, she agreed to take a step back. She left the next morning and I've talked to her a few times since. I know she loves me and I could see that I was breaking her heart. I resent her for telling me how to live my life and she has always made me feel like I wasn't good enough. For the first time in my life, I feel good enough just being myself. I can't let her ruin that...again. I have new friends and a new job and a new goal to write my novel. I haven't been lying anymore at all and I've rekindled my love for writing. Despite my guilt from having hurt my mother, I think it is for the best. 

On another note, my novel is going really well. Writing it is turning out to be quite the interesting experience. I guess I never realized how long it was going to take. I keep writing and rewriting and then just deleting pages all together. I know it's a process and I am trying not to rush it. It will all come together if I work hard at it!

Also, the other day, guess who came into the coffee shop when I was working?...Danny!! It was really great to see him. We kind of fell out of touch for some reason. I forgot how much fun he was to be with. He stayed and chatted with my co-workers and I until we closed and then he walked me home! I told him all about my novel and he offered to read it and help me edit it! I'm nervous to show him my work but it could be helpful to get some feedback.

I'm going out to dinner with some friends tonight and then seeing a concert at a bar downtown. Should be a good time!

-L

She Means Well...

I'm feeling really terrible today. I totally blew up at my mother today and stormed out of my apartment. I'm currently hiding out at the coffee shop where I work to cool off. I told her that I'll be home when I'm ready to talk to her. I'm dreading it. I hate confrontation. I just keep it in for way to long and then it all comes rushing out in a ruthless wave of emotion. I didn't handle it well. She has been nagging me all week about money and my lack of a boyfriend. I am doing my best but she just doesn't see it. Basically, I told her all of this. She looked hurt so I ran out. I feel like a little kid right now that has run away from home in a dramatic display. We both know I'll come home and we will have a serious "talk". I don't want to ughhh. I hate serious talks. I wish she would just go home and let me live my life!

Sorry for venting! Wish me luck!

-L

A Visit from Mom

I love when my mother comes into town but it's never just to visit and catch up! She always has some master plan. She is the master manipulator...of EVERYONE. The worst part is, no one can see it. Not even my own father! Either that, or he just ignores it.

Since I started seriously working on my novel, my mother has called me every single day just to, "say hello!" Before last month, she would probably call me once every two weeks to make sure I still enjoyed my desk job. I'm sure quitting my job was the LAST thing she wanted to hear.
I understand a mothers concern but I wish she would just let me do my own thing.

Anyway, she surprised me with a visit on Monday afternoon and is still here...
I keep hearing about Martha's daughter Amanda who just got accepted to law school and Audrey's niece who got promoted...and blah, blah, blah...Nancy's grandson, cousin Jess, etc. It's like she wants to tell me how successful every single other person my age is while I am just at a total standstill. Every time I try to talk about my novel, she rolls her eyes and changes the topic or says something like, "oh yeah, yeah...sounds nice."

I guess her visit isn't all bad though. We had a nice lunch at an outdoor cafe the other afternoon and she took me shopping on Newbury St. Not to mention, the weather has been beautiful in Boston! Last night, I brought her to a small bar and introduced her to a few of my friends from work. That was kind of fun. She had a few drinks and that loosened her up a bit. I think she needed that extra glass of wine to cope with the fact that Brian has his nose pierced and Molly has a tattoo of a footprint on her wrist. As I made her pancakes this morning in my tiny apartment she said, "Gee, I just don't understand why such attractive young people would litter themselves with tattoos and piercings like that."

Needless to say, I haven't gotten any writing done this week. Another wash of a week. Maybe she'll come around. If she doesn't I really hope I prove her wrong and actually finish this project.

She says that she is leaving tomorrow. We'll see if that happens. Next thing I know, she will be moving into the apartment next door.

-L