I forgot how fun it was to go out with friends and just have a good time! I'm only 27 but after college, reality set in too quickly. I found myself trapped behind a desk day in and day out. After long days at the office, I rushed home to put on a pair of comfy pajamas and curl up with my cat on the couch. I got stuck. I've been going back and forth with my feelings about quitting my job but after this weekend, I know I made the right choice. For the first time in a long time I can honestly say that I am happy! Not just happy in the sense that I'm content. I'm not sure where this optimism is coming from but I'm going with it. Also, hanging out with my new friends has been the perfect release to counterbalance the stress of writing my novel. I was able to get a lot of work done on it this weekend!
So far, the plot is as follows---
Eighteen year old Jayda decides not to go to college immediately after high school much to her controlling, image conscious parents dismay. Although, throughout high school she was not explicitly rebellious, she constantly elided her parents demands. Upon graduation, Jayda leaves her parents home and sets out to experience the world that she feels her parents have sheltered her from.
Thoughts?
--L
Monday, February 27, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
So this novel is a lot harder then I thought. I have done weeks on research to establish characters but every time I sit down to put it into a story, my brain just shuts off. It just seems like such a monumental task. Despite the hours I have put into it, I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere in terms of character development or cohesive narrative content. It's frustrating. Maybe my mom was right. UGH...it seems too late to give up now. I have never been a quitter. I think I'm going to put it on the back burner for a while.
On a more positive note, I got a job as a barista at a coffee shop down the street. It is actually a lot of fun. However, it is a SERIOUS pay cut from my desk job that I quit last month. I like to think of it as temporary though. It gets a little exhausting to wait on customers hand and foot. I have a $40,000 a year education and I would like to put it to use. I was getting paid fairly well at my other job but it wasn't for me. I need space to be creative. Unfortunately, creative isn't a career. Heck, it's not even a job. I'm at a serious transition phase and I don't see an end in sight.
Sadly, I stopped talking to Danny as much. Things kind of fizzled out after I told him that I wanted to be a novelist. We met for dinner once last week and coffee a few times this week, but he is so career driven that he can't understand some of my decisions. He works as an investment banker. Sounds totally boring to me. I guess we just think differently. It was really refreshing to have an honest relationship with someone. Although, I think we are better off as friends.
Speaking of friends, I've started hanging out with a couple people from the coffee shop. They know a lot more people in the area and have started bringing me out to the bars. Andrea and Brian are about my age and both graduated from Emerson 2 years ago. They have been friends for a while and I have a funny feeling that Brian is in love with Andrea. As far as I can tell, she has no idea. Sort of cute! I feel bad for Brian though, Andrea has a tendency to drag him around with her and says he is her BFF. The term BFF makes me sick for some reason. It sounds so lame, I don't know how he puts up with it. Anyway, I am going out to a new bar with them tonight to meet up with some people. I'm a little nervous but I have been doing a lot better at telling the truth to people, especially strangers.
Got to get ready--
-L
On a more positive note, I got a job as a barista at a coffee shop down the street. It is actually a lot of fun. However, it is a SERIOUS pay cut from my desk job that I quit last month. I like to think of it as temporary though. It gets a little exhausting to wait on customers hand and foot. I have a $40,000 a year education and I would like to put it to use. I was getting paid fairly well at my other job but it wasn't for me. I need space to be creative. Unfortunately, creative isn't a career. Heck, it's not even a job. I'm at a serious transition phase and I don't see an end in sight.
Sadly, I stopped talking to Danny as much. Things kind of fizzled out after I told him that I wanted to be a novelist. We met for dinner once last week and coffee a few times this week, but he is so career driven that he can't understand some of my decisions. He works as an investment banker. Sounds totally boring to me. I guess we just think differently. It was really refreshing to have an honest relationship with someone. Although, I think we are better off as friends.
Speaking of friends, I've started hanging out with a couple people from the coffee shop. They know a lot more people in the area and have started bringing me out to the bars. Andrea and Brian are about my age and both graduated from Emerson 2 years ago. They have been friends for a while and I have a funny feeling that Brian is in love with Andrea. As far as I can tell, she has no idea. Sort of cute! I feel bad for Brian though, Andrea has a tendency to drag him around with her and says he is her BFF. The term BFF makes me sick for some reason. It sounds so lame, I don't know how he puts up with it. Anyway, I am going out to a new bar with them tonight to meet up with some people. I'm a little nervous but I have been doing a lot better at telling the truth to people, especially strangers.
Got to get ready--
-L
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Longgg Day
Wow, I just wrapped up working on my book for the night. I'm exhausted. I know I promised a summary but I'm too tired to type anymore. My fingers feel like they are going to fall off. Ahhh.
Goodnight. Summary tomorrow.
-L
Goodnight. Summary tomorrow.
-L
Reaching a Turning Point
It's been a whole week since I've posted last and not too much has happened.
On Tuesday I finally texted Danny back. I think that he thinks I'm just playing hard to get (not necessarily a bad thing!). Anyway, we went and got coffee when he got out of work that day and I finally came clean about where I actually live! It felt really great to tell the truth but it sounded so ridiculous. I felt so stupid. He just laughed and was like, "Don't worry about it!" I'd like to think that he is just a nice guy but, I'm skeptical about why he seems like me so much. Conversation was definitely easier this time and I didn't feel compelled to fill in the blank space with lies. We have been texting since our coffee date and we have plans to get dinner tonight. Are we dating?
As far as my novel is concerned…I've been working really hard and it's starting to come together. However, I called my mom to tell her about it yesterday and she flipped out. She kept saying, "how do you plan on paying your rent?!" and "do you even know how to write a novel?!?" Now, I'm getting a little bit nervous that I might have made a bad decision. On the other hand, the challenge is kind of exciting. She does have a good point about paying my rent though. I wasn't saving too too much money before I quit my job. I think I need to start looking for a part time job at least. New mission for this week I guess.
On the bright side, my characters are coming together nicely! Right now I need to get working on it but I'll post a summary later if anyone is interested!
ps. Didn't mention Danny to my mom. She doesn't like hearing about me talking to guys after Andrew...
-L
On Tuesday I finally texted Danny back. I think that he thinks I'm just playing hard to get (not necessarily a bad thing!). Anyway, we went and got coffee when he got out of work that day and I finally came clean about where I actually live! It felt really great to tell the truth but it sounded so ridiculous. I felt so stupid. He just laughed and was like, "Don't worry about it!" I'd like to think that he is just a nice guy but, I'm skeptical about why he seems like me so much. Conversation was definitely easier this time and I didn't feel compelled to fill in the blank space with lies. We have been texting since our coffee date and we have plans to get dinner tonight. Are we dating?
As far as my novel is concerned…I've been working really hard and it's starting to come together. However, I called my mom to tell her about it yesterday and she flipped out. She kept saying, "how do you plan on paying your rent?!" and "do you even know how to write a novel?!?" Now, I'm getting a little bit nervous that I might have made a bad decision. On the other hand, the challenge is kind of exciting. She does have a good point about paying my rent though. I wasn't saving too too much money before I quit my job. I think I need to start looking for a part time job at least. New mission for this week I guess.
On the bright side, my characters are coming together nicely! Right now I need to get working on it but I'll post a summary later if anyone is interested!
ps. Didn't mention Danny to my mom. She doesn't like hearing about me talking to guys after Andrew...
-L
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Not Exaclty a Failure...
My date with Danny was alright. I may have screwed myself over because I couldn't resist making up a few lies throughout the evening. Sometimes, I feel like my mouth has a mind of its own (especially when I'm nervous). I'll be repeating in my head...tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth...but when I open my mouth the lies just escape. I thought I was ready to open up to someone and try my hand at an honest relationship, or a friendship at least. I guess I need to work on this a little bit more. Danny hasn't called me back but he sent me a text this morning saying, "I had a good time the other night, we should check out that coffee shop you were raving about". Most would see this as a positive sign but, I have no idea what fucking coffee shop I was referring to. Ugh, I was just filling in the blanks after we ordered our meals. I thought...shit, he isn't saying anything. I need to start some kind of conversation. I guess I'll just have to try out a few coffee shops this week and pick a good one. Not too difficult to cover up this lie. Also, after the date he tried to walk me home since I told him I live on the Red Line. Luckily, I'm pretty good at thinking on my feet so I told him that my roommate was picking me up...only problem is, I don't have a roommate. Unless my cat is going to steal a car and drive on over and pick me up. We'll see how this plays out. Honestly, it was nice to meet someone new. He was a really nice guy and took me to a really cute little Italian restaurant. Hopefully I can gracefully cover up my little white lies.
I haven't texted him back yet, maybe later. I want to find a coffee shop first. Maybe I'll have to find a roommate too. Shit.
--L
I haven't texted him back yet, maybe later. I want to find a coffee shop first. Maybe I'll have to find a roommate too. Shit.
--L
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
A Date!
There are so many characters out there! I have been people watching in different spots all week. Only problem is, I have created so many characters to use for my novel that I don't know how to fit them together in some sort of cohesive narrative!
Also, I have been telling the truth a lot more! Seeing so many strange people has given me a new sense of reality. Everyone has some sort of background that has made them the way they are. This process of character creation has helped me far beyond any session in a therapist office.
Things have been going so well that I met even met a guy! On Monday afternoon I decided to ride the Red Line around and observe the passengers. My story needs a young male character to be the bird lady's estranged son. I thought that I'd find inspiration on the commuter rail but instead, I found a date! Around 2 pm, the train stopped at South Station and an attractive guy about my age bustled into my car. He was wearing dark wash jeans and a blue and grey striped button down shirt. As he walked toward me, I could feel my cheeks growing redder and redder. I've always been so shy. I looked at the ground trying not to let him see my blushed cheeks when all of a sudden he sat down beside me! I took a deep breath in through my nose and out through my mouth then decided to suck it up and introduce myself. As soon as I told him my name (I usually feel the need to make up a ridiculous name...), I could feel my whole body relax and a smiled crept across my face. He returned my greeting and told me his name was Danny. Long story short...we talked all the way until he got off at his stop about 15 minutes later and made plans to get dinner on Thursday night! There is only one slight problem...I told him that I lived in Harvard to explain why I was on the Red Line. I'll figure that out later...
I'll post later with updates on my date and my novel! I can't even remember the last time I went on a real date!
-L
Also, I have been telling the truth a lot more! Seeing so many strange people has given me a new sense of reality. Everyone has some sort of background that has made them the way they are. This process of character creation has helped me far beyond any session in a therapist office.
Things have been going so well that I met even met a guy! On Monday afternoon I decided to ride the Red Line around and observe the passengers. My story needs a young male character to be the bird lady's estranged son. I thought that I'd find inspiration on the commuter rail but instead, I found a date! Around 2 pm, the train stopped at South Station and an attractive guy about my age bustled into my car. He was wearing dark wash jeans and a blue and grey striped button down shirt. As he walked toward me, I could feel my cheeks growing redder and redder. I've always been so shy. I looked at the ground trying not to let him see my blushed cheeks when all of a sudden he sat down beside me! I took a deep breath in through my nose and out through my mouth then decided to suck it up and introduce myself. As soon as I told him my name (I usually feel the need to make up a ridiculous name...), I could feel my whole body relax and a smiled crept across my face. He returned my greeting and told me his name was Danny. Long story short...we talked all the way until he got off at his stop about 15 minutes later and made plans to get dinner on Thursday night! There is only one slight problem...I told him that I lived in Harvard to explain why I was on the Red Line. I'll figure that out later...
I'll post later with updates on my date and my novel! I can't even remember the last time I went on a real date!
-L
Sunday, February 5, 2012
I haven't posted in a few days because I have been so busy exploring the city. It's so funny how you can live in a city for years and still be finding new and exciting things!
On Tuesday, I left the house around 11 am and started walking. I tried to follow my instincts just to see where it would take me. First, I took a left and then turned right. I wanted to get lost and then find myself back at my apartment again. Sure enough, I did! Every time I thought I was lost for good and started to get nervous, I'd turn a corner and find myself somewhere that looked familiar. I found myself window shopping on Newbury St, wandering through the Public Gardens, and strolling through Faneuil Hall. I ended up back at my apartment around 4 pm...exhausted.
As I wandered around the city, I saw so many different types of people. Maybe everyone is just playing a character. I know that I lie and take on personas that aren't myself but, from what I have observed recently...so does everyone else. It has made me see my problem in a new light. I have recently decided to try my hand at fiction writing. I was so inspired by my walk through the city the other day that I am beginning to see everything in a new light. Instead of feeling the social pressure to act a certain way or take on a character, I am reading other people as playing characters themselves. I don't have a solid plot for my novel yet but I have an idea. I guess all it takes is an idea and then things can spiral on from there.
My idea is to write a story about different people interacting in the city. Some of the characters will be based on people I see and situations I witness but, of course I'll have to fill in. I am going to have to do a LOT of people watching! I think I already have a first character beginning to develop. It is based on an older lady that I saw sitting on a bench in the Boston Commons. She was talking to the pidgeons as they nibbled at bread she had strew about by her feet. She wore an all black velour jump suit, too tight and stretched over her bulging curves. A bright purple scarf was twisted and wrap around her shoulders and head but, I could see frizzy grey curls jutting out beneath the scarf. She didn't look particularly crazy but the way she kept muttering about birds (most specifically vultures and pidgeons) made me nervous. I wanted to know more about her but now I can use my story to fill in the blanks! I think that she is a paranoid bird lady that lives in a reality in which large birds are out to get her. She wants to protect the smaller birds but she has an impending feeling that she won't be able to. She goes to the Commons every day to make sure that vultures don't swoop down and attack. I'm not sure what will happen to this lady or why she has created this reality for herself yet...but I'll let you know.
Update soon!
-L
Ps...there are a lot more crazy people out there then I initially thought!
On Tuesday, I left the house around 11 am and started walking. I tried to follow my instincts just to see where it would take me. First, I took a left and then turned right. I wanted to get lost and then find myself back at my apartment again. Sure enough, I did! Every time I thought I was lost for good and started to get nervous, I'd turn a corner and find myself somewhere that looked familiar. I found myself window shopping on Newbury St, wandering through the Public Gardens, and strolling through Faneuil Hall. I ended up back at my apartment around 4 pm...exhausted.
As I wandered around the city, I saw so many different types of people. Maybe everyone is just playing a character. I know that I lie and take on personas that aren't myself but, from what I have observed recently...so does everyone else. It has made me see my problem in a new light. I have recently decided to try my hand at fiction writing. I was so inspired by my walk through the city the other day that I am beginning to see everything in a new light. Instead of feeling the social pressure to act a certain way or take on a character, I am reading other people as playing characters themselves. I don't have a solid plot for my novel yet but I have an idea. I guess all it takes is an idea and then things can spiral on from there.
My idea is to write a story about different people interacting in the city. Some of the characters will be based on people I see and situations I witness but, of course I'll have to fill in. I am going to have to do a LOT of people watching! I think I already have a first character beginning to develop. It is based on an older lady that I saw sitting on a bench in the Boston Commons. She was talking to the pidgeons as they nibbled at bread she had strew about by her feet. She wore an all black velour jump suit, too tight and stretched over her bulging curves. A bright purple scarf was twisted and wrap around her shoulders and head but, I could see frizzy grey curls jutting out beneath the scarf. She didn't look particularly crazy but the way she kept muttering about birds (most specifically vultures and pidgeons) made me nervous. I wanted to know more about her but now I can use my story to fill in the blanks! I think that she is a paranoid bird lady that lives in a reality in which large birds are out to get her. She wants to protect the smaller birds but she has an impending feeling that she won't be able to. She goes to the Commons every day to make sure that vultures don't swoop down and attack. I'm not sure what will happen to this lady or why she has created this reality for herself yet...but I'll let you know.
Update soon!
-L
Ps...there are a lot more crazy people out there then I initially thought!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Quit my job today. I don't know how to feel about it. It was rather impulsive, I'll admit it.
I wanted to start fresh. I'll rephrase--I needed to start fresh.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realized that I needed to make a change. I was getting far too comfortable in the never-ending cycle. I've never been one for commitments but somehow I'd dug myself in deep with a full-time desk job. For two painfully average years, I sat on my ass in an office full of humdrum people just chugging along through their uneventful days.
Recently, I've been fantasizing about what it would be like to pack up and just move somewhere else and get a fresh start. Now I can do it! I'm excited but I'm also terrified. I feel like I'm a bird that has just been set free. I've never felt like this before.
Tomorrow, I am exploring. I'm just going to wake up and walk out of my apartment to see where the day takes me. I'll let you know how it goes.
p.s...match.com account set up. No responses yet. I'm procrastinating on the 'add picture' part so I have a feeling that is turning some off. At least I hope that's the only thing.
I wanted to start fresh. I'll rephrase--I needed to start fresh.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realized that I needed to make a change. I was getting far too comfortable in the never-ending cycle. I've never been one for commitments but somehow I'd dug myself in deep with a full-time desk job. For two painfully average years, I sat on my ass in an office full of humdrum people just chugging along through their uneventful days.
Recently, I've been fantasizing about what it would be like to pack up and just move somewhere else and get a fresh start. Now I can do it! I'm excited but I'm also terrified. I feel like I'm a bird that has just been set free. I've never felt like this before.
Tomorrow, I am exploring. I'm just going to wake up and walk out of my apartment to see where the day takes me. I'll let you know how it goes.
p.s...match.com account set up. No responses yet. I'm procrastinating on the 'add picture' part so I have a feeling that is turning some off. At least I hope that's the only thing.
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